


Alone

by nefarious_irusu



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Caretaking, Comfort, Comfort/Angst, Depression, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hugs, Minor Injuries, Minor Violence, One Shot, Platonic Cuddling, Random & Short, References to Depression, Self-Harm, Short, Short & Sweet, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-13 14:07:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18470509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nefarious_irusu/pseuds/nefarious_irusu
Summary: It's so hard to keep telling yourself that it gets better, when it only seems to get worse.





	Alone

He wished for someone to hug him close, and squeeze that empty ache from his chest. He sucked in a breath like acid, paying attention to the way it dissipated in his lungs. In, out. In, out. It still felt like acid.

He clawed his fingers up and down his arms, scratching lightly. The burn, that minor sting, distracted him the slightest bit. He sucked in another acid breath, and dug his nails in deeper. This time, it did more than just burn.

"Yuri?"

He dropped his hands in an instant, letting his hands fall back to his sides. "Go away, Pig," he managed. His voice sounded weaker than he had intended.

Brown eyes stared at him fiercely, more determined than he had seen them outside of skating. "No," Yuuri said firmly. He stepped closer, kneeling down on the floor in front of Yuri. "You're hurting yourself. I'm not going to go away."

Yuri stared in silence for a moment, swallowing twice and trying to bring down the sudden swelling in his throat. He blinked back the wetness in his eyes, finally averting his gaze. "Just leave me alone."

"No," Yuuri murmured, softer. He placed a hesitant hand on Yuri's shoulder, squeezing softly. "You shouldn't be alone like this."

Yuri broke. The tears he had managed to blink back spilled over, burning down his cheeks in hot tracks. "I always am," he hissed.

"Oh," Yuuri breathed, cupping Yuri's cheek with his free hand. "Not anymore, okay? I'm here. I'm here for you."

When Yuri looked up, there was desperation in Yuuri's eyes. He had been here before, Yuri was certain. He had hated himself alone, hurt himself alone, cried himself to sleep. Yuuri understood.

"I need…" He needed a hug. He needed to be held. He needed to be told that it was alright. He needed all these things that he was too afraid to ask for, too afraid to be denied. He whimpered, leaning into Yuuri's hand with his cheek. It was the closest thing he could do to expressing his needs.

Yuuri brushed away tears with his thumb, and shushed him gently. "If it's hard to ask, can you show me instead?"

Yuri shook his head, fresh tears wetting his cheeks and gliding over Yuuri's hand. He was trembling with frustration and fear, waiting for Yuuri to get up and leave. Waiting to be left alone, as he had been before. He was a mess, he was pathetic. Why would anyone want to deal with that?

Yuuri didn't leave. He shushed Yuri again, methodically rubbing his cheek with his thumb and scrubbing away falling tears in the process. "I'm going to sit next to you, is that okay?"

Yuri nodded, and bit back a whimper as Yuuri ceased contact. He made up for it by moving closer, wrapping his arm around Yuri's shoulder as he joined him against the lockers. "Is this okay, too?"

"Y-yes."

"You're doing so well, Yuri. You're going to get through this." Yuuri wrapped his free arm around Yuri's front, pulling him into a proper hug.

The acid seemed more like air, with Yuuri's warmth wrapped around him. Yuri buried his face in Yuuri's shoulder, hiding. He clung to Yuuri fiercely, and whimpered as Yuuri's hold strengthened around him in return. This is what he needed- Yuuri knew.

"There you go," Yuuri encouraged him. "It's okay. I've got you."

"I don't want to be this weak."

"Yuri, no." Yuuri's breath ghosted Yuri's scalp. "You aren't weak. You're one of the strongest people I know."

Yuri shook his head. "Not like this."

"Yes, like this," Yuuri argued. "It takes courage to open up to someone. You're strong for letting me in."

Yuri shrugged. He trembled in Yuuri's arms as the older man offered quiet praise and reassurances. He soaked up every word, letting himself melt in the embrace. Weak or not, he needed this. He needed this before he fell apart.

Hours could have passed, or maybe days. Yuuri's embrace didn't lessen, and he still whispered everything that Yuri needed to hear. By the time he could breathe again, Yuri didn't dare pull away.

"Do you feel a bit better now?" Yuuri asked.

Yuri nodded, finally moving to pull himself away. "I-"

"No," Yuuri cut in, pulling him back. "No, you don't have to move. Rest for a bit, okay?"

Yuri nodded. It was an exhausting ordeal, both mentally and physically. He slackened in Yuuri's hold again. "Thanks for… thanks for helping me."

"Of course." Yuri warmed as Yuuri pressed a kiss to the top of his head. "I want to be here for you, if you feel like this again." He paused, and Yuri could practically hear him going over his thoughts to word them right. "You can come to me, even if you don't have the words to explain it. I'll always be here to sit with you, and try to make it bearable."

Yuri nuzzled against Yuuri's shoulder, his face growing even redder. "Don't tell Viktor I'm such a mess," he muttered.

"You aren't a mess," Yuuri asserted. "But I won't tell Viktor. I promise."

Yuri let out a shuddering sigh.

"Can I help you clean your arms?"

Yuri glanced down. Tracks of blood had dried in sporadic lines, up both of his arms from elbow to wrist. "Sorry," he muttered out of instinct.

"No, no." Yuuri gave him a reassuring squeeze. "I don't want you to feel guilty about it, I just want to make sure they get cleaned so you don't get an infection."

Yuri tried his best to believe him.

With his arms in the bathroom sink, Yuuri rinsed his wounds with soap and water. The scratches weren't very deep, barely grazing enough to draw blood. As Yuuri patted his arms dry with paper towel, Yuri asked,

"Why are you being so nice to me, when I'm not nice to you?"

Yuuri only smiled crookedly, tossing the paper towels into the trash. "You show your love in funny ways," he smirked. "But I still know it's there."

Yuri's face turned the shade of a tomato in the mirror. "Sh-shut up!" He managed.

Yuuri's smile only grew, and Yuri gasped as he was pulled into another tight hug. He wrapped his arms around Yuuri in return, glad to hide his flaming face in the other man's shirt.

"It's okay," Yuuri whispered. "We won't talk about it again, and I'll be here to take care of you whenever you need it."

Yuri's breath caught in his throat.

"Just know, Yuri, that you aren't alone in this anymore."


End file.
